Monday, May 31, 2010

Non fiction-2

Dear Film,

I feel like a parent who has borrowed to pay for her child's college degree in gambling.
You are wayward and unpredictable. That shouldn't prevent you from getting some costly sound post production and colour grading.

When you are out in the world, you shouldn't have to be ashamed because I was a lowly no budget filmmaker.

You have had most of my waking hours, every last bit of my non existent pennies.

I know you are flawed in many places. I did pass all my incompetencies on to you. But, I have tried almost my best, though even that was inadequate

Sunday, May 23, 2010


Soon the days and nights which are stretched beyond their elasticity will end.
And, film- you will be out of my hands, out in the world, on your own.
But, you will always have me to blame for all your inadequacies.

As for me, I might retain faint memories. The shortness of breath and dizziness.
How you literally drove me up against the wall. And, the faint reassurance of the medic.
"There is nothing wrong with you, just a bit run down"

The long hours spend staring at the edit machine while you tried to play all your audacious games. Refusing to be really moulded into anything. Almost every one who passed by said "you have all the right material. There is some thing wrong with the shaping"

Make be I should take a bow and accept the inadequacies.


Time moves like a dull lizard. Beginning the same journey every day and ending at the beginning every time.

Monday, May 3, 2010


Soon time will span out of control. Work is just waiting, all set to tumble over. Will have to pull head out from the ostrich hole to have a look.Soon every moment will be priceless. Films generally demand sweat, blood, tears and muscle pain-in that order. They are like children-they might turn out to be deformed or wayward. It doesn't mean you have to put any less effort into them.

Then, there is the continental trip with dasht-e-tanhai [some elevated kind of solitude or similar crap]. All the paper eating regulatory gods want to know everything-including in which schengen terrories you plan to pee on etc.  The continental train systems are also pretty difficult to figure out since they  make u hop in and out of the train [to take a break by walking or catching a bus for the 'connecting train' in what they call as 'one journey']. The fast running Euro star has a pricing policy which must have prince charles in mind.So, will probably be getting lost a couple of times and will be talking to many people in sign language. Of course as R says, that is thankless gripe because is going to get to see the continent.

G came up with one more pearl of wisdom in her secret code of acronyms
""it's only hp that mks ppl lk u & m srvv. sigh! hps abt thinner waistlns, hps abt continental sentry, trvlg hbs...:-)"hp=hope.

Hmmm.... may be should remember to carry hp too. But,at times hp and self do get tired of each other. Some times hp looks awful in the filmy costumes self gets for it. The gawdy coloured cellophanes, so unreal and bizarre.
....Wouldn't know of any other smart way of carrying hp. Well, so will pop hp too into the luggage, knowing well mostly it will only serve the purpose of adding to the weight