Sunday, August 18, 2013

For Yesterdays

It is a drizzling Delhi evening, and I am packing my life into two neat suitcases, of correct dimensions not more than 23kgs.

Nowhere does it rain like in Delhi. A few drops of love on the hard, cruel, foul mouthed, quarrel mongering alleys. Highways where you may not have held hands, but certainly broken your heart into very tiny pieces. Signposts which taught you that being whole doesn't mean having all the pieces.

There isn't much to leave behind. I travel light through life and there is never much to leave behind. Except for the tribe of good friends who get that the tribe needs to roll through multiple continents at random intervals. And, there will be fellow rolling stone M, to greet me at my very loved old new city.
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All the prayers, midnights spend having rendezvous with dead theorists, trying to stretch 24 hours into more than they could hold- everything has finally paid off. Got the scholarship and is moving finally. Should give joy its due and jump up and down. Then, should happily start the task of crossing mountain loads of work with a small flash light.
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But, how do you ever move ahead without looking back? At the end of 3 years, life as I have known it would go for a toss. A small bird in head says that nothing will ever be the same again. There will be flowers, but they will smell of another season. The snow will sneeze differently and the roads will heckle in other tongues. Might climb mountains but can lose the sea forever. Hope the tiny bottle of zen stays.

Yes, the river can never be still and one shouldn't bathe in it twice. Unless you open the doors, how will new things ever happen?Unless you toss the skeletons around, how will they ever leave the cupboard to join a decent enough cemetery?

"How lovely it is to perch on a different branch
How good it is to run without blurring or freezing
All my sayings are of yesterday.
Now new things have to be said"
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But, before I close yesterdays and name them last five years, one word of love. I wouldn't change one bit of you. Things which didn't happen and the things which happened. Have broken like a beggar and lost like a king. Have kind of mastered sailing alone and have learnt about the rhythm of the sea and the occasional hole in the boat. Have laughed like I never had and have cried like it is the end. Have left home in anger and came back to blood which is thicker than most things on earth. Have lost the idea of forevers amidst a relaxed display of neon lights. Have made friends with the best of people who make an alien city one's own.

You were the best days of my life so far.

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